When I woke up Friday morning I kind of flipped out. I felt like I had blinked and the last five years had happened. I was suddenly somebody's wife, a mother of two, and the keeper of a mortgage and bills I can't pay every month. Where did all this responsibility come from when I feel like I am still just a kid myself? I cried for two days.
I know it is totally cliche, but I am going to say it anyway. In order to sign and seal plans I had to take an exam that took six months of hard core studying. But in order to be a mother all I had to do was get pregnant. And that scares the shit out of me. What if I don't do it right? What if some mistake I make turns my kids into serial killers? How can I know I am being a good mom? What does it take to be a good mom? I find myself making mistakes with Mason all the time now. How can I stop?
About a year ago I read a book called Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult. It was about a boy who walked into his high school and started shooting Columbine style. When I read the book I really identified with his mother. She was a great mom, really involved in his life. How did that happen to her? How does any felon end up that way?
(The title of this post has nothing to do with the content - it's just an old campaign slogan I can't get out of my head.)